A Quiet Letter to Myself on Women’s Day

By Fatema Shabbir Shahiwala

Ink & Ideas Publication House ✦ Personal Essays ✦ Women’s Voices

Women’s Day 2026

Every year on Women’s Day, my phone fills with messages. Beautiful words, thoughtful wishes, posts appreciating mothers, sisters, daughters, and friends. I send many of those messages too. I think about the women who have influenced my life in different ways, and I make sure they know that they matter to me.

But this year, something felt different.

As I was wishing the wonderful women around me, a simple thought crossed my mind — one I had never really paused to consider before: I am a woman too. And maybe, just maybe, I also deserve a moment of appreciation from myself.

Recognising our own growth is not arrogance. It is simply honesty.

^{Fatema Shabbir Shahiwala}

It felt strange at first. Many women are comfortable celebrating others, but when it comes to appreciating themselves, they hesitate. It almost feels unusual — even slightly awkward — to say, “I’m proud of myself.” Yet the more I reflected on it, the more I realised that recognising our own growth is not arrogance. It is simply honesty.

So today, instead of only wishing the women around me, I also want to wish myself a Happy Women’s Day.

Not because I think I am perfect, but because I know how far I have come.

✦ ✦ ✦

On Growing Calmer

When I look back at my teenage years, I smile a little. I remember a version of myself who was quite stubborn. I had a strong personality and strong opinions, and if things did not go my way, I was not exactly known for handling them quietly. Tantrums were not uncommon. At that time, it felt like that was simply who I was.

Life, however, has a gentle way of shaping us.

Over the years, situations changed, responsibilities increased, and experiences slowly taught me lessons no one could have forced me to learn earlier. Today, when I look at myself, I see someone who tries to stay calm and composed even when things are not easy.

It does not mean I never feel upset. Of course I do. But I have learned that reacting immediately, raising my voice, or expressing frustration in the heat of the moment rarely makes things better. Silence, patience, and a little reflection often help much more.

This shift did not happen overnight. It took time, situations, and sometimes even mistakes. But every step helped me grow into a calmer version of myself. And for that, I think I deserve a small acknowledgement.

✦ ✦ ✦

On Learning to Say No

Another lesson life taught me was about availability.

There was a time when I tried to be available for everything and everyone. Whether it was family, friends, or service, I always felt the need to say yes. If someone needed help, I would step forward immediately. If something needed to be done, I would try to make myself present.

At that time, I believed that always being there for others was the right thing to do. In many ways, it still is.

But over time, I realised something important: constantly saying yes to everything can sometimes come at the cost of your own energy, health, and peace of mind. When you stretch yourself too much, you eventually begin to feel drained — both physically and emotionally.

Setting boundaries does not mean you care less. It simply means you are taking care of yourself so that when you do say yes, you can do it wholeheartedly.

Learning this was not easy for me. For a long time, I felt guilty even thinking about saying no. It almost felt as if refusing a request meant I was letting someone down.

But slowly I understood that setting boundaries does not mean you care less. It simply means you are taking care of yourself so that when you do say yes, you can do it wholeheartedly.

Today, I still help wherever I can. I still participate in service and support the people around me. But now I also pause and ask myself whether I have the capacity at that moment. Sometimes the answer is yes. And sometimes, respectfully, the answer is no. And that is okay.

✦ ✦ ✦

On Friendship and Discernment

Another realisation that came with time was about friendships.

Earlier, I had a very simple understanding of people. If someone smiled at me, spoke kindly, or behaved warmly, I assumed they were genuinely close to me. In my mind, friendliness automatically meant friendship.

Life experiences slowly changed that perception. I learned that kindness and politeness are wonderful qualities, but they do not always indicate closeness. Not everyone who smiles at you necessarily holds the same sincerity in their heart. Sometimes people maintain pleasant conversations while still keeping a distance in their intentions.

Understanding this truth was not pleasant. In fact, it came through situations that were a little difficult and, at times, disappointing. I also realised that in many environments, subtle forms of politics exist — they may not always be obvious and sometimes operate in ways we only recognise much later.

Initially, these experiences made me question myself. I wondered if I had misunderstood people or situations. But gradually I understood that these lessons were simply part of growing up.

Today, I approach relationships with a little more awareness. I still value kindness and positivity, but I also understand that true friendship reveals itself through actions, loyalty, and consistency over time.

And yes, I do have close friends. There may not be many, but they are genuine. They are the people who stand with me during difficult moments, who understand without lengthy explanations, and who celebrate my happiness as if it were their own. Those friendships are rare — and that is exactly what makes them special.

✦ ✦ ✦

On the Quiet Work of Growth

Over the years, I have also learned something important about self-awareness. Growth does not always come from big, life-changing moments. Sometimes it comes quietly — through small realisations, through observing your own reactions, through noticing how your perspective shifts after certain experiences.

There are days when I still reflect on situations and think about how I could handle them better next time. I am still learning, still evolving. And perhaps that is the most important part of this journey: growth never really stops.

When I look at myself today, I do not see someone who has everything perfectly figured out. Instead, I see someone who is trying. Someone who is learning how to balance kindness with boundaries, patience with self-respect, and generosity with self-care. Someone who has made mistakes, learned from them, and continued moving forward.

And that effort itself deserves appreciation.

✦ ✦ ✦

Women’s Day is often about celebrating the strength, resilience, and contributions of women around the world. It is about acknowledging the roles women play in families, communities, workplaces, and society.

But sometimes, the most meaningful acknowledgement can come from within. It can come from pausing for a moment and saying, “I see my own journey.” I recognise my own growth.

This does not mean comparing ourselves with others. Every woman walks a different path, shaped by unique circumstances and experiences. What matters is recognising the distance we ourselves have travelled.

Today, I appreciate the younger version of myself who was outspoken, emotional, and sometimes stubborn — because she was still discovering the world. I appreciate the lessons that life presented, even when they were uncomfortable. I appreciate the strength that developed quietly over the years. And I appreciate the woman I am becoming.

🌸

Good job on learning.
Good job on growing.
Good job on becoming a little wiser with every experience.
And most importantly — good job for continuing to upgrade yourself
in the best way you know how.

Happy Women’s Day to all the amazing women who make our lives brighter.
And today, with gratitude and a small smile — Happy Women’s Day to myself too. 🌸

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